HELLO!

As many of you know, I am asked to work with families at funeral homes to plan Celebrations of Life for loved ones. Most of these families are people I have never met. Though, with each of these funerals comes the possibility they have attended one of these funerals at any number of our local funeral homes. “You did my uncle’s funeral five years ago, we met at the reception, you remember me…” Unlike a funeral held at the church, for someone who is part of a church I serve, there is no expectation of follow up pastoral care. They are not members of a church, and most have no desire to be. Still, every Sunday, after one of these funerals, I do speak to someone who attended that service and decided to arrive at the church where I preach. But often the last I see these grieving families is at the funeral home. It may surprise you to learn there are often common requests at these gatherings.

One musical choice I have noted, for older men, is Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”. When I ask why the family chose this song it is often said it reveals a sense of someone who was determined to do things “his way”. The exception was Bob’s funeral last week, as Bob was someone I witnessed who did the opposite, namely listen to others, and attempt to do things in a manner that captured the spirit of the community, not just himself. One might say “Bob’s way” was to make space for everyone’s way.

Among my friends, colleagues, family members, I note how distraught people seem to get from the experience of things not going their way. I will confess, as a white, straight, male, and a minister, things often go my way. So it may seem odd to say I lose no sleep when things don’t go my way. In fact, “my way” is usually a sense of how others in the community have found “their way” to an organic culture or offering that makes space for a variety of “ways” and harmony in the blend of expressions. “My way” is usually found by visiting people, talking with people, then connecting them to one another. I worry less about the outcome and more about the need to include as many different gifts as possible.

You will not hear me complain things did not go my way very often. Yes, as a privileged person, they often do. But I also have less expectations, less of a need for certain outcomes than most. It does not take much to make me happy: black coffee, walking opportunities, interesting conversations, laughter, inspiring people to behold, a sense of working toward justice, not just us. I don’t need a lot of things to go “my way”.

Hoping your day went, to some measure, “your way”. Peace, Kevin