HELLO!

I recently was invited to a gathering of 25 people. I knew the host, she wanted me to meet the volunteers she coordinated, two days a week. I think very highly of the host, she always goes the extra mile to make those she serves feels like they matter. She does this because those whom she serves DO MATTER to her. That feeling is not a warm fuzzy, it is action lived out in experience, a consistent offering of care. Being with this person, being with people like her, make me better. I love how their goodness is contagious. Sidebar: Bethe is like this. Did you know (she would love you to know…) Tuesday January 13^th is her birthday (also my late mother’s birthday, so it is easy to remember). Happy Birthday Bethe!

At this gathering our host, like Bethe, has food and beverages in ample supply. Given it was my first visit to her home she gave me a tour, introduced me to her dog. I think she assumed I would love the waterfront, which you can walk to from her back door. Honestly, I am not a waterfront person, I loved the old, large, wooden planks that were her floor, the art on her walls, the warmth of the space (it did not look like it was staged or decorated from a magazine or TV show). The older black Lab was a surefire attraction, I was down on the floor, petting, rubbing, snuggling, with the dog. At that moment the host began to make introductions. Though everyone was part of the same team, they all had shifts at different times and days. The host pointed to guests, shared their role, the date they were present. Without exception, each volunteer interrupted her, “NO, I don’t do that” or “NO, that’s not the right day/time.” I remained on the floor with the dog, as I fear my eye rolling would be immediately exposed to the other guests. What I wanted to say was, “who cares?” This is a social time, an opportunity to make some connections, I am delighted to be in this warm space, with friendly people, food and drink. Soon I will learn a new name, a new story, find some common experiences, possibly discover we know people in common.

While I want my surgeon, pilot, bridge engineer, to be detail-oriented professionals, what I desire in a conversation partner is someone who is as interested in me, as I am in them. If I say, “I grew up in the west end of Halifax” and later explain it was Mic Mac Street, I don’t need someone to say, “are you SURE that is the west end?” When people tell me their story, and I know the event they are sharing with me happened in 1979, and they say 1980, I do not correct them. Why? Because it does not matter. I met a woman as a recent funeral service I attended, she knew my late father and wanted to tell me a story about him. She began, “Our Dads were both ironworkers”. I knew my grandfather was a carpenter, but I did not interrupt. I wanted her to keep going, tell me about my Dad.

Sometimes, we need to let go of the small details. People tell me I am a good storyteller, I think so. But I never promise to get all the details correct. If I am sharing stories about a loved one and someone keeps interrupting, “it wasn’t Thursday, it was a Wednesday” I have come to a place in my life where I will stop. It’s not worth it to get that frustrated. I will usually just end with, “you know the details, you finish my story”.

When we meet, I want to hear your story. And I will not correct you. Unless you tell me that I am a hugger. Peace, Kevin