HELLO!

The day did not start well. As many of you likely know when a minister leaves a church s/he is not encouraged to return for pastoral care or funerals, let alone baptisms and weddings. Early in my ministry the Presbytery meetings I attended were often filled with the tension of a newer minister feeling the former, retired minister had “not let go”, was returning to the congregation to visit, talk about the church, even perform weddings and funerals. The ministers were of my vintage, and they resented the former ministers who maintained these connections because it meant they were always perceived as “the new one” and the changes they brought were seen as a threat to how things had been done by the beloved “Rev” who recently retired. None of this affected me, until it did. I did not handle it well. I envied the connection my predecessor had with the church, and I kept finding out how he was performing weddings and funerals for people in the congregation.

I began to compare him to me, in an unflattering and unfair manner. I was at fault. It made that first year the only one of my 35-year career where things were unpleasant, painful even. Even though the next two years there were filled with the best work I have done to date, and the church rallied around me with daily affirmation, I never felt “at home” there. I also let go, forever, of my need to please or find any joy in affirmation. Ever since, I cannot accept compliments. But most importantly, I decided I would never, ever, put a successor in the place I occupied following a beloved colleague. I have never returned to a church I once served, I have never performed a wedding, baptism of funeral for a former parishioner. That decision has resulted in some very difficult conversations, like the one I had this morning. But I am no people pleaser, being consistent is now my goal. When I say no, I mean no. I work very hard to serve the churches I have called “home”, I am available 24/7, I go whenever I am needed. But when I move on, I move on. It is not fair to the ministers who come later, to remain part of the conversation.

I tell colleagues, beware of taking pleasure when a former parishioner tells you how great you are, how much better you are at your work than your predecessor. Why? Because when the new person comes, and they like her/him, they will say the same about you, that this new minister is so much better than the former minister, “he was so loud and talkative”. I love my work, I hope it shows, and I love the people I meet along the way. I am so privileged to be part of such meaningful conversations. But to make room for new relationships, it is important to move on when necessary. It is also important for the person who replaces me to have the same opportunity I did. I never speak about my successors and wish them only the way. I never look back. I have no former yearbooks, none of my three degrees, I do not attend reunions. On the other hand, I love to meet new people, hear new stories, and make new memories. Like the ones I am making here at Woodlawn United with you. Peace, Kevin