HELLO!

The other day I came into the office and immediately saw the flowers on Bethe’s desk. Bethe loves flowers. For the second time in as many months Bethe received flowers from a family she met at a local funeral home. In both cases the funeral had reached out to me, asking me to work with this family to offer a celebration of life. I regularly do this, meeting families for the first time at several HRM funeral homes. Over the last decade many seniors have moved from rural Nova Scotia to HRM, almost always for two reasons: 1) health care and 2) grandchildren. They sell their large homes in small towns, move into apartments near Clayton Park, Larry Uteck, and Baker Drive. When they die, they want their funeral in HRM, but they have no local church. That’s where I come in. I get back to the funeral quickly (do not assume everyone does this), I am loud (consider the demographic who attend funerals), and I work hard to weave the person’s life and character into the service. But…recently I have found it stressful to do this with less than a week between the death and the funeral. When asked to do a funeral four days from now, I pass on these requests to Bethe, who always does a wonderful job for the family.

And, these families send her flowers. I note, in the hundred or so funerals I did in HRM last year, no flowers for me. Do I want to receive flowers? No. Do I want praise from the families? No. In fact, I spoke to a family member who mourned a loved one recently who told me every time she tried to thank me or compliment me, I changed the subject. I do not “live in the land of hurt feelings”. To insult me you would have to call me lazy, otherwise there is nothing you can say that would hurt my feelings. I am delighted Bethe received this affirmation. But I do wonder how these families knew she loved flowers and why they specifically did this.

My spouse, Kim, tells me people are more intuitive than I imagine. Spending quality time with Bethe would alert you to what she likes, how she relates to others. “She gives flowers” (as the young people say) and she likes to receive them. Kim says I too give affirmation, but it tends to be how others’ actions and words brought kindness, joy and justice to others. “You regularly write notes, cards, tell stories, that highlight how others make a difference. Bethe embodies love, affection and friendship. People respond to that with acts of gratitude, like flowers”. “No one is going to do that for you, as the chances are high you will change the subject or give their gift to someone else.” “They know you”.

I had a lot of fun complaining about this, “I never received any flowers”, but the truth is, I am very pleased to see/hear that people recognize Bethe’s hard work, her generous spirit and the skills she offers to all.

What’s the best gift I have received, in recent years? A squirrel costume. Peace, Kevin