HELLO!

I had an appointment today with a client. I was to drop off an item they had requested. It was a service they desperately need, and as a designated referral agent, I helped with the forms to get them what they needed. Except…they were not there. No answer. No response to emails. No response to texts. I even went to their building, called from the intercom, it went to voicemail. Years ago, when I would find myself in this situation, I would not give up. I would stay, keep trying. And…if it did not work out, I would feel angry, upset. I would try not to let on, but it would be written all over my face. Then, when we finally did connect, I might offer unsolicited advice, ways the person could better manage their time, make lists, etc…I would try to fix them. Many helpers like me, are also fixers. Part of our motivation is altruistic, kindness, love. We want to make a difference, do what we can. But if we are honest, part of it is deflection, it is easier to fix others than look in the mirror at our own flaws and shortcomings. We are all better at diagnosing others, than reflecting honestly about ourselves. Lent surely teaches us this.

When David is ranting about those he serves/rules as King, it is only Nathan who reminds him to look in the mirror. Likewise, when the disciples are judging those who need Jesus, it is Jesus who reminds them the real “needy ones” are them. Ouch! But honesty sometimes stings.

What I have learned to do, as a helper, is to offer myself where I have skills others specifically request. If I can help, if others want my help, I am there. And I try to match my actions to my words, walk the talk. Reliability, I have learned, is more desirable than warm words. But…I will offer to help, help, re-evaluate my efforts so as to improve them, but in the end, if the other does not act on my initial offering, or ask for follow up, I move on. There are many others who do want my help. And if I am being humble and self-aware, I know I too have not acted on the help others have offered me. I am not resentful of others who do not need me or my help. I cannot fix them. I have a hard enough time trying to fix me.

It is sad when someone in distress is having a hard time, and their friends join in a “if only they did what we told them…” That does not help. Blaming people for their distress is no more helpful to them, as it is when others do it to us. When people are down and low and struggling, I offer to be with them, in the way they need. I can’t fix them. I cannot be with them 24/7. I can only offer what I have to give. Peace, Kevin