HELLO!

Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says “we cannot love without understanding.” If we love one another then we must take the time, have the interest, to genuinely learn who our neighbour is, not who we want them to be, not who we are, but who they are. In our four Gospels we learn Jesus did listen, learn about and understand those whom he loved. He knew Jews (he was one), Gentiles, and Samaritans, all had their own lens to see the world around them. He also understood within these cultures/communities individuals had their own personalities and characteristics; Peter was not Mary and Martha was not Thomas. Various personality indicator texts help us understand ourselves; Myers-Briggs (I am an ENTJ) and the Enneagram (I am a Three) come to mind.

Years ago, I served a congregation in an area of the city with high rates of poverty. I noted many our new members had arrived from outside the city. They came to us for several reasons, including it was of the most inexpensive neighbourhoods to live, due to low rental fees. But I also learned many had battled addiction and mental health challenges, thus living in their small town became problematic, people would constantly remind them of their past challenges. They both wanted some anonymity and yet a new opportunity to be known apart from past crisis. Many had visited a variety of churches. What they loved about United Churches was the bias in favour of those who live on the margins. Jesus had a special relationship with those on the margins, he sought them out, he knew their names. The United Church makes it clear all were welcome, love is unconditional, we are all God’s kin (witness…we were the first to ordain women, gays and lesbians). But they chose our congregation because they felt known as persons, as they walked into church members came to know their name, their strengths, their passions and some of their story.

During my summer vacations, when I visit other churches, I have noted the warm messaging, “we are all loved” with special emphasis to those who in vulnerable communities. But what I felt was missing were opportunities to build community, an encouragement during announcements to meet someone new. Despite not being a tactile person, a sentimental person, an emotional person, I have always enjoyed many great relationships with newcomers who walked into church anxious to know if they could belong. Being curious about others, not assuming everyone is just like me, and remembering the stories people share, has been an asset to community building. Newcomers want to be known, they don’t want to be passed over because of judgement, but they also want to be seen for who they are, not who you think they are. That requires getting to know each other. There is no substitute for talking to people.

Today at Margaret’s House the coffee urns kept getting emptied, there were many thirsty guests. I became efficient at refilling the urns. But most important, I remember the guests’ names, some of their stories and most of their coffee preferences. And they remembered me. Peace, Kevin